Extend!
Lesson Overview
In the previous lessons, you learned about emotions and why it is important to control them. You also talked about self-awareness and how to become a self-aware person. The current lesson will focus on the practical application of both of these skills at work – dealing with negative feedback.
In this lesson, you will:
- practice receiving negative feedback;
- use the knowledge of text structure to make coherent arguments.
Video: Dealing with Negative Feedback
Self-awareness can help us deal with many difficult life situations. One of them is receiving negative feedback at work or at home. When we get criticized, our first reaction is to get defensive and argue against. However, truly self-aware people consider criticism as an opportunity to learn and get better.
Watch the video below and answer the question: How many types of negative reactions have you learned about from the video?
Now, after you have watched the video, complete a self-checking activity. Refer to the video if necessary.
It’s performance review time at Good Soul Inc. Colleagues are giving feedback to each other about their work. Use the arrows to navigate between the slides. Read each situation and name the type of reaction the characters are displaying: dread, defensiveness, drama, denial, or none of them. Flip the card to check your answer.
Reading: 3R Model for Feedback
Reading
Practice
14 min
Study the index cards below to learn the basics of the 3R Model. Flip through the cards by clicking the navigation bar under the slide.
Feedback Response: 3R Model
So far, we have discussed how not to react to negative feedback. But knowing what not to do, doesn’t necessarily explain what needs to be done. Dr. Tasha Eurich, a coach and an expert in self-awareness, advises using what she calls a 3R model.
Eurich’s model implies three steps: Receive – Reflect on – and Respond within the context of receiving feedback. She says it helps us “learn how to resist the denial and hear difficult or surprising feedback with open ears and an open mind.” Scroll through the sections to learn more about each step.
Step I: Receive
To be able to process feedback, first it is important to understand it. Sometimes, emotions can prevent us from hearing our opponent.
Practice the 90 Second Rule: pause and wait for 1,5 minutes before responding. It will give you the time to resist “fight-or-flight” and stay present for the value that may be in the feedback. Remember that each feedback is an opportunity to learn.
Ask yourself some questions to manage your emotions and stay objective:
- What am I feeling? – naming the trigger that makes you emotional.
- What am I doing that causes the other person to see me this way? – This question stops you from feeling like a victim and allows you to search for objective data.
- What are specific examples that support this feedback? – Think about some of the specific examples for your behavior. If you can’t name them, make sure to ask your opponent for them.
Step II: Reflect
This step avoids the temptation to “jump right in” by providing time to figure out what the feedback means and how to respond to it. In other words, it’s letting the feedback “rattle around in our head” for a while. Three questions are helpful in the reflective process.
- Do I understand this feedback? – Check it out (feedback) by collecting more data from others whom we value and trust to be honest with us.
- How will this affect my long-term success and well-being? Eurich offers this rule of thumb – “Feedback from one person is a perspective; feedback from two people is a pattern; but feedback from three or more people is likely to be as close to a fact as you can get.”
- Do I want to act on this feedback, and if so, how? – This is your decision point to act or not.
Step III: Respond
If you choose to respond and address the issues mentioned by the feedback giver, then, how to do it? It will make sense to work out a plan of action.
- Think about what you want to change. For example, if your boss mentioned that you aren’t disciplined, think about or ask him about what he means. Do you come late to work? Or maybe you forget to complete all the tasks? How about deadlines?
- When you know which habit to tackle, formulate specific and measurable goals. Write on a piece of paper: “I want to come to work before 8 am every day of this week.” Writing “I want to come to work on time” is not specific enough and your success will be hard to measure.
- If your goals require interactions with other people, Dr. Eurich suggests to find a trusted person to help you work on your habit. Choose the person you trust and ask them to help you. For example, if your goal is to stop interrupting people as they speak, ask your feedback buddy to tell you every time you interrupt them.
Analyzing feedback and setting goals to change behavior are the actions of a self-aware person. This exercise will focus on the last part of the 3R Model – Respond.
Read the situations below and think about the steps characters can take to react to feedback constructively. Click on the arrow in the lower right corner of each card to read the answers.
Allie understands the problem, but she doesn't notice the situations when she might appear rude. She asks her colleague Rebecca to observe her behavior for a week and report every time she finds Allie's behavior too emotional or rude. Building awareness of own habits is the first step in fixing them.
Zana disagrees with Allie, but she decides to find out more. She asks colleagues for examples. One staff mentions that Zana doesn't say "please" after she makes requests. Another person says that Zana often interrupts during meetings. Specific examples help Zana come up with an action plan to fix her behavior.
Alan makes an action plan: " 1. Make a list of work tasks and complete all of them within the next week. 2. Get up 15 min earlier every day next week. 3. Check my mailbox 2 times a day for the next 5 days." Writing specific and measurable goals help Alan follow through with his action plan and measure its success.
Reflection: Negative Feedback
Scientists claim that reflecting on personal actions is one of the effective ways to improve. In her book called Insight, Tasha Eurich says that journaling might help you improve self-awareness.
Reflection
3 min
Lesson Wrap-up
In this lesson, you have applied the knowledge of self-awareness to learn how to receive negative feedback. The overview of the self-awareness building strategies, you will find in the Content Focus of this week. Once you are comfortable with the content, attempt the Check Yourself! quiz to unlock next week’s lesson.