Content Focus
Lesson Overview
This part will explain this week’s content focus point. Emotional intelligence is an important skill that helps in relationships and self-management. People who have high EQ report more life satisfaction and more fulfilling relationships. This lesson will summarize all the EQ-related information studied this week.
In this lesson, you will:
- review the concept of EQ and its components;
- review the concept of self-awareness and how to improve it;
- review how to receive feedback.
Video: EQ and Its Components
This week, you are learning about emotional intelligence. The video below provides the definition of this concept and names its components. Watch the video below to review this week’s focus point.
Watch the video below and focus on answering the question: what is EQ? What are its four components?
Review: Self-awareness Techniques
Reading
Review
14 min
Review the techniques by reading about them. Navigate chapters by clicking on their titles.
"Zoom In, Zoom Out" Technique
About the Tool
Step I - Zoom In
Step II - Zoom Out
About the Tool
The first strategy that Dr. Tasha Eurich, the accomplished researcher of self-awareness, suggests is called the "Zoom In - Zoom Out" technique, which teaches to consider different perspectives.
This strategy can be useful in difficult situations when people experience miscommunication or disagreement. The idea behind this technique is based on the fact that all of us have different thoughts and opinions, which are equally valid. Sometimes, the circumstances also affect our stance.
When we analyze our behavior patterns not only based on our emotions but also according to other people, we can gain an understanding of what we might or might not do correctly. This can help us develop better emotion control strategies and improve our social management skills.
Zoom In
"Zooming in" means being able to reflect on your thoughts, feelings, and actions. When you zoom in, you identify how you feel and what makes you feel this way. You may think about certain emotional triggers and analyze where they come from. Analyzing feelings and trying to understand them can provide insight, which will help you deal with the conflict.
For example, if you can't agree with a colleague, it helps to ask yourself what feelings you are experiencing and what actions exactly make you annoyed or frustrated. It also helps to ask yourself what your intentions are and what you want to achieve.
Questions to ask:Â What am I feeling? What makes me feel this way? How do I express my feelings? How can I do it more constructively? What do I want to achieve in this situation?
Zoom Out
Having answered these questions, move on to the second step - zoom out and consider the feelings, triggers, and actions of others. Try to reconstruct the situation and think of the evidence of the feelings of others.
For example, do you really think that your colleague doesn't shut down the door because they want to annoy you? Or maybe the reason is that she is overworked and her mind is busy with other things? Notice how she reacts when you call her out on not shutting the door - is she being apologetic? How do you know? Also, think about what potentially your colleague wants to achieve as an outcome of this conflict.
Questions to ask:Â What is my opponent feeling? What makes them feel this way? What do they want to achieve in this situation?
"What, Not Why" Technique
Another strategy that can be used together with the first one is called the “What, Not Why” technique. This method aims to consider another perspective by shifting the focus from hypothetical reasons to specific examples. Let’s consider how this strategy works in practice.
You and your colleague are having a conflict about some office rules, such as closing the door to the office. You think that the office door should be closed, and your colleague leaves it open when she gets in and out. You have to stand up and close it yourself, which makes you really annoyed. You told your colleague many times that the door should be closed, but she leaves it open anyway.
Thinking of this situation, you always ruminate over the same questions: “Why is she so disrespectful? Why doesn’t she care about other people? Why do I always have to be the responsible one?” You explain your colleague’s actions by answering these questions: “Because she is spoiled. Because she wants to annoy me,” and so on. These answers are not constructive, as they only get you more upset and put you in a victim mentality. You feel unfair and, as a result, annoyed and defensive. Next time, you see your colleague, you are rude to her.
One way to get out of this situation is to change the way you think about it. Instead of thinking “Why doesn’t she care about other people?” think “What life circumstances/my behavior make her neglect my needs?” It is possible that your colleague is overworked or has problems at home, that’s why she has been absent-minded recently. It is possible that her behavior has nothing to do with you, and she absolutely doesn’t intend to have any conflict with you. Instead of yelling at her next time, you might offer her a hand with the assignment, which in turn, will help her be more mindful of your future requests to shut the door.
Extra: 3 Aspects of Self-awareness
Reading
Extra
8 min
Confucius advised that to govern others, one must first govern oneself. This idea fully expresses the value of self-awareness. The more we know and understand about ourselves, the more informed decisions we can make. Dr. Tasha Eurich names three aspects (she calls them “pillars”) that self-aware people know about themselves. Read about them and follow the links if you want to know more. All the tests presented in this task are free.
Lesson Wrap-up
In this lesson, you have reviewed this week’s focus content – emotional intelligence and its first component, self-awareness. Having finished this lesson, you can move on to the first checkpoint – Check Yourself! Review the concepts from today’s lesson:
- emotional intelligence
(n) ability to understand own and others' emotions and act accordingly.
- self-awareness
(n) the ability to see ourselves clearly by understanding who we are, how others see us, and how we fit into the world.
- trigger
emotional ~ (n) something that pushes us to experience negative feelings, such as anxiety, stress, fear, sadness, etc.
- perspective
(n) point of view, opinion
- constructive
having a useful and helpful effect rather than being negative or with no purpose
- victim mentality
(n) the way of thinking when you tend to blame other people or events for everything negative that happens to you