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Emotional intelligence is a very popular theory, which claims that to succeed in a society, it is not enough to develop hard competencies and skills. It is equally important to be resilient or get along with people. Many leaders consider emotional intelligence primarily as a tool for managing relationships; however, EQ is made up of four core skills.

The first skill of EQ is called self-awareness. It means that you understand what it is you are thinking, feeling, and wanting. Dr. Tasha Eurich, the author of Insight, defines self-awareness as “the ability to see ourselves clearly—to understand who we are, how others see us, and how we fit into the world.” It is crucial to remember that self-awareness is not only the ability to see yourself but just as importantly, knowing how you are perceived by others.

Another important skill, which is closely associated with self-awareness is self-management. Knowing what you feel might not be enough, as you also need to be able to control what you feel and adapt to change. You need to be able to behave appropriately regardless of what you may be feeling. As my wife and I regularly remind our kids, “You are entitled to your feelings, and you are responsible for your behavior.” Self-management enables you to monitor and regulate your feelings, so they serve you rather than hurt you.

Similarly to self-awareness, social awareness is the ability to comprehend and respond well interpersonally. This means you can identify what others are thinking, feeling, and wanting, and then respond appropriately to this. It is about being able to see another person and identify what may be unsaid but communicated in other, more subtle ways. This requires keen insight, asking good questions, and the ability to empathize with others.

Finally, relationship management is your ability to develop, manage, and sustain relationships. Trust is absolutely vital to this as any successful relationship depends on it. This is about both the trust you have in yourself and the trust you have in the other person. Relationship management also requires clear boundary-setting and the ability to regulate conflict so you can remain in a relationship, even when things become difficult.

EQ consists of four important components that all depend on each other. When you become more self-aware, you can recognize and monitor your emotions. With this understanding, you are then prepared to learn to self-manage by expressing these emotions at the optimal time and in an appropriate manner. Learning to become socially aware requires that you can further this internal emotional insight by identifying it in others and empathizing with them. And your ability to trust yourself and others as well as to maintain appropriate boundaries enables you to effectively manage relationships.